At 21 I feel so goddamn old. Sitting at work trying to translate a formal Hindi document on district planning, I realise that all the recent hard work on Hindi has unexpectedly heightened my understanding of translating sentences. I read each paragraph and already know the English synonyms to those words. And it reminds me of that time 8 months ago where I used google’s translator for each sentence.
Its been a year into this fellowship, and I cannot begin to count the things I’ve learnt. It’s been so much knowledge, understanding and experience. From menial things like dressing and cooking to trying to fit into the culture, formal systems and office hierarchy to livelihood and the Indian scenario, implementation and ground realities of government schemes, budget and funding agencies, to clarity of thought, organising ideas, raising support, presentation skills etc.
But today is not about all that. It’s about the little things I’ve lost out on. The post graduation panic and confusion, the hunting of jobs, the birthdays and Friday night specials, happy hours and dress codes. A part of me misses the complaining of wrong shoes and no favourite junk food. I miss not being there for break ups and proposals. Of unplanned coffee dates. And my beautiful Bombay in the rains. I miss not having the chance to go back to college and see what has changed, even mourn about it. Of telling professors how I miss their scolding, and the watchmen and the canteen guys.
On the whole I’ve lived a great year; it’s a decision I will never regret as long as I live. But today I want to indulge in the tiny aspects of my earlier life that I was so used to. Things I will go back to eventually, but will feel differently about. The logic in me debates that the trade off was worthwhile. But who is to stop the mind from reminiscing. Life is ultimately all about choices, and the belief you have in the decisions you make. The only problem is, once you set out on that path of unrelenting pursuit, it seldom gives you time to stop and think. Maybe now that I know this, I will stop. Or yet I might just ignore....
Happy one year into this program to me.... and the other ICICI fellows who I see growing with me...
