I've loved and lived the word for too long now. Every time I stop and try to make sense of the world around me and what I am about to do- it takes me to the same concrete understanding of the word.
A part of me left the city I grew up in to be rid of the integral chaos that rests in every little polluted inch of it. Mumbai always seemed to be a complicated affair; something I'd fiercely be in love with forever, but something I had to take time away from. The million people with their immensely knotted up lives, its beauty, greed, glamour, restlessness cascaded on to me till I felt like a little chip of all of it. I know that I'll always be proud of where i come from, and yet...
College was a much systematic part of this ingrained chaos. At the end of final year somehow I knew I'd be going away soon; away from my reality, a time bubble where I would sit and randomly contemplate on all those weird things philosophers try to find answers to- what we are doing? where will we end up? blah so on and so forth....
Funny, I never realised then that it was all in my goddamn head. That I had folded it neatly and crammed it in my almost bursting-to-the-brim brain and taken it along. I can still feel that chaos every time I get up in the middle of the night to a dark and silent room. Almost like the pillow I sleep on. But frankly it was a revelation. And I've been trying to work on understanding it for a while now. Hence the blog too...
I mess my room up each morning before I set out for work and clean it up when I come back in the evening; hoping that one day I'll accidently touch a nerve that will clear my head. This is the chaos I want to share. Lets see how you make sense of it...
A part of me left the city I grew up in to be rid of the integral chaos that rests in every little polluted inch of it. Mumbai always seemed to be a complicated affair; something I'd fiercely be in love with forever, but something I had to take time away from. The million people with their immensely knotted up lives, its beauty, greed, glamour, restlessness cascaded on to me till I felt like a little chip of all of it. I know that I'll always be proud of where i come from, and yet...
College was a much systematic part of this ingrained chaos. At the end of final year somehow I knew I'd be going away soon; away from my reality, a time bubble where I would sit and randomly contemplate on all those weird things philosophers try to find answers to- what we are doing? where will we end up? blah so on and so forth....
Funny, I never realised then that it was all in my goddamn head. That I had folded it neatly and crammed it in my almost bursting-to-the-brim brain and taken it along. I can still feel that chaos every time I get up in the middle of the night to a dark and silent room. Almost like the pillow I sleep on. But frankly it was a revelation. And I've been trying to work on understanding it for a while now. Hence the blog too...
I mess my room up each morning before I set out for work and clean it up when I come back in the evening; hoping that one day I'll accidently touch a nerve that will clear my head. This is the chaos I want to share. Lets see how you make sense of it...
nice..people who feel chaos inside will only look for answers..so that's a great start..keep writing.
ReplyDeleteRahul aka Mama :)
thanks both of you...
ReplyDelete@ rahul- haan yaar. that was the point. the problem is that i cant stick to it... which brings me back to why im writing in the first place :P:
@ anu- thanks... experts ko dekhkar bacche seekh jaate hai