Lost...

I have always felt lucky to be surrounded by an extremely beautiful set of friends. Very lucky, to be honest. I somehow have always had the opportunity of having many friends at a time. Highly selective actually, but quite a good number... I can’t say I have fewer, cuz I make friends at different stages of my life. And that makes them important, as we usually share a piece of each other’s life at some point or the other.

It’s also why I guard them zealously. Often slightly possessively. They are unique beings, and they will always fit in the scheme of things... a much esteemed face reader once told me that I need emotional anchors in my life, to balance the person I am. And she was bang –on right! They live and grow with me, and spin this web of comfort all around....

Unfortunately I was not showered with the gift of expression very generously, so I’m as about good as expressing my love as the cactus on your windowsill J some of my friends get that, and being similar beings accept it. Others don’t like it but accept it anyhow. Then there are those who think I take them for granted. Maybe I do. Sometimes I do. But more often than not I try and convey it to them in my way. I’m not proud of it, to be sure. There’s also the fact that life now is too complicated to keep in touch with everyone. So I usually concentrate on them in turns, which is probably not the right thing to do. Nevertheless, I’m still learning...

Whatever the case, I have never lost a cherished one.

Until now. I think I lost one on the way, and just beginning to feel it. It’s left me with a weird feeling; like when you lose something important and have to live with, sometimes your fingers clutch the ghost of it- and then you remember. It was slow process of loss, almost silent. But it happened. And now I’m clutching bare air. My friend was someone who shared almost 2 years of my everyday life with the most mundane and the most wonderful things, all during the ritual of an evening walk. Sometimes even just walking worked, for both of us. We didn’t have to talk. I was too proud to admit it till now, but he was important. Well, enough to write a sobby blog post, which I’m sure he’ll admit. Him being the cactus plant sitting right next to me... but with an occasional flower or two.

 I won’t delve into the complexities of why and how things went wrong... it’s just important in itself that it did...

To you... I just want you to know I care. Even though I probably pretend I don’t. Or not said it out loud enough. Or showed it. And no matter how 'little' I know of you, I’ll always see you clearly (refer to picture)... you know why... J